"An old, plus-sized, European, big-busted, homeschooling mum, wannabe dancer..."

A lesson on living inside the light of your limitations.

Before we dive in, I want to say a big thank you to those who are supporting my work as a paid subscriber. The fire you are fuelling within me is indescribable right now, so thank you. I’m currently finalising something just for you that shows my deep gratitude, so hang tight. If you’re not yet subscribed, either as a free or paid subscriber, I’d love to adorn your inbox or app with more of my words - a little less by chance, and more by your choosing. Either way, thank you for joining me on this path to a deeper love x

Last week, I aggravated an old disc injury in my back. It came on so unexpectedly, at a time where I was honestly feeling the strongest I have in a while. 

There I was, finally training and moving and dancing more consistently after over a year in postpartum, and my body was loving the extra movement. I thought if I just treaded carefully, had some guidance and prioritised movement that I enjoy, my body would ease itself into a new season of gradual strength and stability. 

But of course, you can’t just add extra pressure to a weak system and expect it to get stronger. A vulnerable body no longer has the same core needs as it once did in an agile and resilient state. 

And so I learnt a big lesson, which is that I need to train and move FOR my injury right now. I need to modify everything to support it, and treat this limitation as my primary intention. I need to design and create my strategy around it, disciplined in what it needs from me right now, not just for where I’m going.

My outdoor mums + kids group training spot.

And you know what else I’ve realised in the process?

That my limitations are actually what ignite my innovation.

That the way I dance, move and create with my body will actually be made unique because of the limitations it was born from. 

And it inspired me to think about every other perceived limitation I feel I have in relation to being seen in my body, movement and everything I wish to create through dance..

My size.

My ethnicity.

My age.

Every body part that ‘gets in my way’ when I move (bust, I’m looking at you!)

Being a mother and the two little humans that go with me everywhere.

A video screenshot of my weekly yoga with @the.wild.exchange, almost always with a baby on top of me.

Like many people, I spend way too much time and energy thinking about what holds me back. What makes me more likely to struggle, fail and fall short when it comes to anything I want to do and achieve. And honestly, until now, I’ve seen all of the above as things I need to just ‘put up with’ and ‘work around’ when it comes to pursuing the next season of my creative life. 

I’ve seen them as unfortunate roadblocks (that were either unchangeable or a non negotiable part of my world) that I’d accepted as just part of the process. But I didn’t realise how much they were exactly WHY and HOW I was meant to succeed.

I’m thinking back right now to a moment I had when my firstborn was probably 2-3 years old. I had stepped back into dance as a way to reignite my sensuality, as healing ‘the sensual mother’ within me was a big part of my matrescence and mother wound healing of that time. I would share videos of me moving my body with deep intention, sometimes sensually but mostly just expressing the emotional release that my body needed, and it was an important part of my healing to witnessed in that and let myself be seen. An online friend actually told me later that seeing those videos was a really profound moment for her in her own journey. While she had seen many women dance on social media and express themselves through similar movement, she had never seen someone with my type of body doing it. She had never witness someone like me - a mother and a plus-size, European woman - letting her body take up space in a vulnerable yet powerful form of movement. And as a Polynesian woman, she could finally see her own body and ethnicity in the same light, and no longer something limiting her ability to do the same.

I think we could all use this reminder, no matter where we are in our life or what we’re facing. That our limitations - be it an injury, a disability, our age, gender, size, identity or circumstance - might actually be the reason we were not only inspired to follow a certain path, but the reason why we’ll actually succeed and create the outcomes we deeply seek. Whether that’s inspiring others, enriching our own life or realising a lifelong dream, maybe we were never meant to do it like everyone else. 

Maybe you were meant to be the painter who first picked up a brush at 41, or the swimmer who once feared the water. Maybe homeschooling your kids is exactly why your other dreams will manifest, or maybe you’ll find that special person because of how you look.

A reminder of ‘both’. Always. (Yoga with a view @the.wild.exchange)

So this next week for me is about bringing discipline to how I celebrate my perceived limitations and move towards my dreams by working with them and for them. I want to move forward with even more determination knowing that my dreams are not my dreams by mistake. And neither are yours.

They’re just waiting for ALL of you to get on board. And fight for them like crazy.

“Discipline is loving yourself enough to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted.” - Steven Bartlett.

What are your own perceived limitations when it comes to loving yourself, your dreams or your desires?

What’s ‘in the way’ right now, that might actually be ‘your way’?

Fill me in in the comments - I feel like some big healing is about to go down.

TF xx